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Bale Fire Need Fire Heart Fire (Cora)

Bale Fire Need Fire Heart Fire (Cora)

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beltane
It is Walpurgisnacht and my teacher is dying. There is a bale fire in my heart.

Gate gate, para gate.

We sing. We chant. We sit. We breathe. Every fire needs fuel. Every student needs a lesson.

Her skin is translucent. There is blood in the corners of her mouth. Her eyes are clouded, barely open.
She struggles to speak. "I love you," she says. "I love all of you."

(Water, engulf me.)

We lean in close to catch her words. "Thorn, take my heart." or was it "Thorn, take my hurt." We clear her body of pain. She rests.

Tubes and bruises. Her spirit hovers.

Parasam gate, bodhisvaha.

She insists on speaking to her son on the phone. Urgent. She tells him, struggling, barely able to speak, "I love you. You've done the right thing. I love you and D and T."

Yes. It all ends up in love.

(Fire, scorch my skin.)

She clutches my hand so long my fingers swell. Life is still present.

"I am going in and out," she says. We see her. Victor is there too, at the foot of her bed.

Gate, gate, para gate.

"Is it May 3rd?" Not yet, Cora. Saturday. Her and Victor's anniversary.

God Herself fills space and time. Fills the room. Including everything, we fall away.

(Air, suck my breath.)

Light is in extension. Stars wheel. Time ceases. There is only the hum of all.

The nurses aid is named Luz. Light. Breath. Stars.

Parasam gate, bodhisvaha.

Tonight, is the coming together. Of old, fires blazed on the tops of hills. The veils are thin, they say. The veils into the realms of faerie. The veils of birth. The veils of death.

Tonight, is the pleasure of the flesh. Tonight, there is dancing in the barrows.

(Earth, receive me in.)

Tomorrow morning, we will rise before dawn to watch Morris troupes dance up the sun. We will drink steaming tea on the hillcrest, and stamp our feet in the cold.

Tomorrow, Cora returns to her home, her bed. She will die in the lavender room, not this white place of machines. It is her wish.

Parasam gate, bodhisvaha.

It is Walpurgisnacht and Cora is dying. There is a need fire in my heart.

People are gathering, in spirit and in body. Lessons to be learned.

(Into the arms of Mystery, my spirit soars. Open the gates!)

Something new is coming.

Sshhhh. Await!


  • What do you need, Anaar? I am working at home tomorrow. Tell me what you need.
    • Hey love, it's Thorn (darn LJ handles!).

      Cora returns home tomorrow from hospital. She would love to say goodbye to folks if you have a chance to make it by the house in the next couple of days.
  • Across the aether, we many ride with you, our energy and love lending to the fire. Cora is in our hearts, as are you, the ones who know her in this life.
  • Love to you, and to Cora, and all who are touched by her, in this moment filled with mystery.
  • Sending much love.Tonight and always.
  • Thorn,

    If there is aught that Lark or I can do to ease your burdens or Cora's, or to help Cora accomplish that which she desires, you have but to let us know.

    • Just send a prayer for ease, please.

      Thanks.
    • Done and done.

      And know that you and Cora have our love and respect, always.
    • Our thoughts and prayers are with you both.

      She does not die you know, she lives on in you and all those others that she taught so well. You carry her spirit in the flame within you.

      May her passing be peaceful and in love. And may you find peace as well.
  • Keeping a flame in my heart and in my thoughts for everyone.
  • Love and prayers, and tears.

    xo
  • Hail to the traveler.
  • Blessings, peace, and love for the journey for Cora.
  • I wish I had been able to meet her, but it seems I will not be able to before she passes. May her journey be peaceful and easy.
  • Peace to her passage and joy to her reunion. Shared sorrow to those she will leave.
  • Here in the southern hemisphere,
    I'll be lighting a candle on the ancestors altar for Victor, and asking those already passed on to guide Cora to where ever she needs to be right now.
  • Deep sigh. Mixed emotion. E-hugs for you, as lame as it sounds... I can't give you real one's from Arkansas. I know she wanted to see May 3rd come again. I hope she has some peace and the hurting stops. I send love, to you and her and all those caring for her.

  • (Anonymous)
    my prayers
  • My deepest thanks for facilitating that phone call. I just wish it had been in person last night, but I am glad it finally happened. She had a similar conversation with M yesterday (I just talked to her this afternoon). Once M and E had let her go she was finally prepared to leave. M said she told her she could not take the pain anymore and to let her go. I think she put up with the pain for us and by staying as long as she did she help unify and grow the community. It is an amazing lesson I don't really understand.

    Once we get details from the hospice nurses tommorow, I may post a call for additional help at the house from the community.
  • Wow...
    Waiting for May third.
    Thats powerful.
    Trying to get M over there tomorrow.....
  • The radiance reaches far. I am grateful for her role; may she ride the wave of great good fortune she has nourished.
  • I read this and I'm thinking of you and of her.
  • I never knew her in this life. My heart is heavy. I pray for her that her passage goes with as she wills it. I pray for all who care for her. I pray some day I will meet her.
  • I wrote elsewhere:

    An easy passing, and good journeys onward to Cora, and solace and hearts-ease to all who will miss her and grieve.

    Thank you to the care-givers, who have worked so hard to make her last years as comfortable and sustaining as they could possibly be. That is a true gift beyond measure.

    And, I'm so glad I got to visit, and sing, and hear stories, last October. Thank you, Thorn, for facilitating the visit -- it was such a blessing, and I had a strong sense it would be my last chance.

  • A blessing over her life,
    a blessing over her life´s end,
    a blessing over her life after the end,
    and a blessing to all who were blessed by her life.
  • May the gates swing wide, and may her passage be swift and sure.
  • W and I are desparately missing our Feri family right now. Thanks, Thorn, for the beautiful tribute. Tayata om gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi soha! That's the one mantra I cry during, so of course I'm crying now.

    I'm relieved to know she is not alone, and that her, our, family is surrounding her. All I can share is an old Shaker song:

    Little children, says Holy Mother,
    Soothe and comfort one another!
    Lo, lodle, lodle, lo, lo lodle, lodle, lodle lo, lo lo.
    Draw the cords of union stronger,
    wind and bind them upon each other;
    Make them feel your love and blessing!

  • Blessed be.
  • I am with you in my heart and prayers.
    lighting a candle for easy passage.
    breathing softly to support the burning.
    Sending Healing to the space where she and you are -
    May it serve to the highest good.
    Sending the soft blessing of Dew.
  • Gratitude and love to you all...

    ...it's sad never to have met Cora, the mother of my faith.
    Dear lovers and caretakers, thank you for loving and taking care of her - swiftness and beauty in her passing, I wish, and solace and beauty and embracing of mystery to you all.

  • Love and prayers.
  • Much love to you all. I continue to send prayers for Cora's ease.
  • My prayers are of comfort, ease and reunion for Cora. And grace and love for you in letting her go.

    I hear the song, Amazing Grace in my heart and I see her eyes...

    With Love and more love,

    Swan

  • Keeping you both in my thoughts today - prayers for ease, comfort, and love sent.

    Autumn
  • My heart is with you...

    I am now waiting for the passing of a loved one as well so I completely understand where your head and heart lies. My thoughts are with you and Cora for a peaceful crossing. Perhaps Cora and my Tia will met on the other side soon.
    Blessed Be.
  • Thank you for sharing this, Thorn.

    I'm praying for Cora, and for you too.

    *love*

  • Your poetry takes my breath away.

    I can't stop thinking that Victor passed at the Autumn Equinox and Cora is passing at Beltane... The Gods are Alive and Magick is real.

    A Brother Minos of mine posted request for Work to help Cora make it to May 3 and someone commented, after reading what has been written about her, "it feels as if she's a star about to go supernova."

    hugs, Shimmer
  • Thank you so much for posting this, Thorn, an outpouring of love and beauty, even in death. I needed this.

    All love to you and prayers for ease for Cora.
  • All my love to both of you.
  • Love and strength to all, prayers for Cora, and smiling through my tears because she and Victor are together again...
  • Rest

    (Anonymous)
    Deep Peace - Stillness & Silence...
  • Love to you, and yours. May Cora rest with her gods and be united with Victor.
  • Reading just this morning of Cora's passage.

    In my recent dream we carried Cora out of her hospital sickbed, down the long hard blue corridor of the bardo, past the rooms of wailing souls who are trapped in their own despair. But we who love her are carrying her out. And with every step she gains strength and fire, until at the far door she strides through on sure legs to breathe the air of freedom.

    May she travel in peace. May our work honor her work. May we all be held in the arms of infinite Love.

    And love to you, yezida. Let me know if and how I can help at this time.
  • Term of all that liveth...

    ...whose name is inscrutable,
    Be favourable unto us in thine hour.
    And unto them from whose eyes the veil of life hath fallen,
    May there be granted the accomplishment of their true Wills;
    Whether they will absorption in the Infinite,
    Or to be united with their chosen and preferred,
    Or to be in contemplation,
    Or to be at peace,
    Or to achieve the labour and heroism of incarnation on this planet,
    Or another,
    Or in any Star,
    Or aught else,
    Unto them may there be granted the accomplishment of their Wills;
    Yea, the accomplishment of their Wills.
    AUMGN. AUMGN. AUMGN.
    So mote it be.
  • Many blessings for the journey. I'll light a candle tonight to help ease her passage.

    --Phae
  • This was so beautiful. May Cora's passing be as touched by grace and love. Our thoughts are with her, you, and all her students.
  • I had heard that she died...
    Hope you are well....
  • Greetings. I recently added you to my LJ f-list and was looking over previous entries. While I only recently discovered Feri per se, this entry piqued my interest for it's subject, and for the level of intimacy of the information, whereas most of the other eulogies of Cora I have read came from those further removed.

    In any case, I was struck by your phrase "need fire". That's the title of the only audio recording of mine that I have released on the internet (a few years ago), and I'm not even sure I know how I picked that phrase, so I was surprised to run into it again in your post. If you're curious, you can listen here:

    http://www.myspace.com/selftomyself

    Caveat: it's loud and somewhat intense even if only a few minutes long, and I recommend you turn your speakers up as loud as possible to hear everything there; headphones won't reproduce all the freqs.


    In any case, I'm pleased to make your acquaintance. Hi. :)
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